i really

i started to hate christmas and new year.
it feel sad and lonely every year.

everyone is leaving me.
my heart feel hurt but not pain.
i wish you were there but you not.
i telling myself it was impossible.
but it can't stop me thinking of it.
i know it was false hope.
but i really hope it will turn real.

sometimes really hope to have a accident.
everything will be gone.
no more me thinking.
no more worries and sadness.
no more wasting money and time.
i not happy, putting an act infront everyone.
can you understand? no, not even one.
is the world good until you fear of leaving.
i can't feel anything that make me stay.
i am waiting to left the place.
meanigless life and nothing.
living for the sake of living.